Glad I brought my big girl pants.

I have been very positive about the information I put on the blog. But, I am going to be real. The honey moon has wore off. Everything was new and exciting and adventurous, and some things still are. However,  not everything has been peaches and cream. I want to say that this is not a vacation. The realizations of how good Americans have it are reiterated to me everyday, just by walking down the street. Belize is beautiful; I can say that. It would be even prettier if the citizens would not throw their trash around. Kids and adults will just be eating and finish a bag of chips and throw it on the ground. Trash pick up is once a month. So there is trash piled up everywhere. They are just now beginning to really push being clean when it comes to the trash. I have not met a negative person. I just don't get why these nice people don't see the trash. I just wish conditions were better. There are almost no trash cans except for the few at public parks. I spent three hours picking up trash for the school I work at. And, I didn't put a dent in it. I have been stolen from 4 times already. They may be friendly but they don't mind to steal from you. 

There is also the misconception that things are cheaper. Ah, NO!!!!!! The only thing cheaper is veggies. But not apples.  Comparatively speaking most things cost the same. Toiletries are really expensive. And my favorite food, pizza, you  can hang that up. 30 dollars for 1 pizza. GAS Is almost 12.00 a gallon. Feminine hygiene products, well lets just say I got a head ache when had to fork over 40 dollars. the salaries are way lower. About half what we make in the USA.  Life is harder here. 

And, don't get me started on the mysterious bug bits that plague me. They bite me. I get huge welts and there is broken blood vessels the next day. Then they start to itch. They don't heal fast. 

I walk everywhere. But its not safe to walk alone. 

They call me clear, not white. So, my question is, are albinos transparent?  

I stand out here. I am taller than most people and I am clear. I laugh loud and often. My hair is light. I might to as well wear a neon sign. 

The condition of the schools is baffling me still. It is sad. The girls don't even have normal access to toilet paper. I have to bring it with me to school and then hide it. 

I can't drink the water. I have to be careful. 

I have no regrets here. None. I miss everyone, but i knew I would. Everyone at FSHS, my family, Charlie and Joann, hot showers, not sweating, fresh coffee, air conditioning, my dogs, my cooking, TV, and dare I say it, Walmart. And, I know I  sound like a prissy girly girl. Please give me some credit. It is not easy doing this. 

But I digress. The positives do outweigh the negatives, this I know. I love the students. I influenced three girls to be interested in reading. They checked out books for the first time from the library. I did this by talking about Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.   I then recited my favorite works by each of them. I acted them out in front of the class. It was the quietest I have seen them yet. They clapped and begged for more. 

I went to the, very small, library and looked up authors from the Caribbean. I wanted to relate to them. I found a story I thought was easy for me to work with. I talked about hopes and dreams. I asked them what they wanted to be or where they saw themselves in 5 years. It broke my heart with some of the answers that they gave.  The reality of their lives and their society has stunted many of them to the point they wont allow them selves to dream. To make things better, they need pride. They need encouragement. They need someone to believe in them. They need to trust and to be trusted. The changes need to start in the homes and then the schools. The children in front of me today will have to educate  their own children before real change can be seen. To make things better for the next generation. I am so tired here because I am constantly trying to think of ways to reach them, touch them and educate them in the short time I have here. I find it hard to sleep.  I ache for the change. I want to scream sometimes. I know its not my job to change the world. I also know sitting around watching things with no change makes me feel conflicted. All I can do is be what I need to be and keep trying. My heart is too big, and I feel it may never be full.  Pray for me. 

P.S. I miss my hair dryer and face cream.